


I Know, I Know

by twinkcester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Leaving for Stanford, M/M, Pre-Series, Pre-Series Wincest, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-03
Updated: 2014-07-03
Packaged: 2018-02-07 07:36:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1890477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twinkcester/pseuds/twinkcester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean didn't understand why Sam left him for every second afterward. In the singular moment of clarity, he knew. </p><p>Inspired by Pretty Girl at the Airport by the Avett Brothers</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Know, I Know

**Author's Note:**

> This ficlet is inspired by Pretty Girl at the Airport by the Avett Brothers. I'd recommend listening to it at some point while reading this. It isn't necessary to understand this, but it's a hell of a good song for Pre-Series Wincest.

There was only one moment where Dean understood. 

All the others didn't make much sense. The scenes that stuck out and those he didn't really remember leading up to Sam leaving were full of overcast blame and hate, inserted after he was gone. The time after was blur of repression, regression, and every other psychological defense mechanism that could help Dean forget his moment of clarity. 

Sam was leaving. 

He looked up at Dean with those big doe eyes he'd been taking advantage of ever since he realized how well they work. The pamphlets, acceptance letter, and scholarship information were clutched tightly in Sam's hand like he was afraid to let them go. He hadn't made a sound yet, nerves visibly wracking every inch of his body. He was tall now, taller than Dean. Probably still had a couple inches to shoot up, inches Dean would never get to see. 

It was like a punch to the gut. Sudden, shocking, painful, but he absorbed it like every other punch he'd ever taken. Sam shaken and scared to tell Dean had knocked the sense into him. Sam was leaving. 

The understanding and reality came rushing in. Dean couldn't see Sam anymore. This wasn't just college; it was life that Sam was latching onto. If he really wanted out, wanted normal, then their fucked up relationship would have to stop. 

Dean didn't think it was so fucked up anymore, but that was probably a testament to how fucked up he really was. Thinking about Sammy in another life with another person made his skin prickle hot, and for years later, he let that white hot rage consume him for days at a time. But for now, he understood. He wasn't what Sam wanted. 

He didn't need to say "I love you"; neither of them did. They didn't say it often. It was a constant thing that didn't need to be verbally recognized. Even if Sam was going away, Dean knew it was still true, even if the epiphany broke down into solid heartbreak the minute Sam was gone. 

California. Stanford was in California. Dean remembered Sam telling him about it, and he specifically recalled laughing at his brother for being such a nerd and tackling him over to attempt a noogie. It was far away from their usual radius of hunting. That was probably for the best. 

Sam was leaving soon. Dean knew him better than he knew himself, and Sam would put off this conversation until the last minute. He planned on talking about it, but Dean didn't need to. 

Every hunter is lonely. Dad still had both his kids and his heart was still so clearly broken. Dean thought it might've been like this. Scowling at himself, he immediately threw that thought away. Mom died. Sammy would be happy. And Dean understood. The hardest road, they all had to walk alone. 

He wasn't much of an emotional thinker, and the whole clarity came in an instant. Looking at Sam so helpless and ready, he sighed softly. 

"I know, I know."


End file.
